i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
