He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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