I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
