i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
