I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize