I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
