we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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