i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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