Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
