well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
