Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
