11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
