Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Randomize