my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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