I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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