get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
