If i come over, it means nothing
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
