The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
wrigley field is MILF paradise
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize