I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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