i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
