you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
