i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize