I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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