1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
