theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize