I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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