my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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