Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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