Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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