In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I wish you could order shots online.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
