Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
