I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
