Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
