Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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