We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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