honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize