I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm just crazy horny about you
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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