I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize