I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Randomize
