no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
