too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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