last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
