I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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