I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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