Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize