I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
