He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
