Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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