He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize