I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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