he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
