the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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