So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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