I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
