He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
