Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
