My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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