You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
