Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
