In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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