I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
