i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
