mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
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