remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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