I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
