who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
