Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
