And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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