Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
