I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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