Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
