So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
