...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
