I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
