McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
