Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Randomize
