College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
