My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize