Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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