Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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