Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
