He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
