I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
