To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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