good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
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