you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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