one word: firstdatebathroomanal
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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