I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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