the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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