i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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