I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
