I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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