i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
